The Doctor Is In
by Maannga
Summary: Everyone needs a little help from a psychiatrist! See how the characters get their help!
1. A Visit From Link

**This is mostly out of boredom, so it's not really a true story, but enjoy anyways!**

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Notes-

Date: January 12, 2010Time: 12:00 noon

Client: Link

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Psychiatrist: Ok, Link. Lets get started. Now, why have you come here today? What seems to be the problem?

Link: I work really hard.

Psychiatrist: Yes?

Link: And I save Hyrule and all.

Psychiatrist: Go on.

Link: I can't stand it! I have to keep saving Hyrule over and over again!

Psychiatrist: Oh, dear, what seems to be the center of the problem? What causes this problem, in other words?

Link: Ganondorf is the main problem! Every time I kill him, seal him in another realm, or who knows what he always comes back! And tries to take over Hyrule! What does he want with it? I have explored under every rock in that place, it is nothing special! I don't get it!

Psychiatrist: Oh dear! Is that all?

Link: No! Princess Zelda always somehow manages to get caught by Ganondorf or some other evil villain. Always! I swear, I have to watch her 24-7 in order to protect her. I can't stand it!

Psychiatrist: A serious problem! Ok, lets talk this through. Now the main cause of all this seems to be Ganondorf. Now, do you have any solutions how to solve this problem?

Link: No.

Psychiatrist: I see. Well, Link, there are many options to solve this problem. A) you could talk to him.

Link: Yeah, he'll just kill me.

Psychiatrist: B) Bribe him into leaving Hyrule alone.

Link: Oh yeah? How?

Psychiatrist: C) Threaten him.

Link: Look, my very presence threatens him!

Psychiatrist: Did you threaten to send Navi after him? Hm? To be partners with her? I don't think so! Or D)kill him.

Link: None of those are any good to solve my problem!

Psychiatrist: Try one you haven't used yet!

Link: I don't like any of them.

Psychiatrist: Ok then, I guess there is one more option.

Link: Yes? What is it?

Psychiatrist: I know someone who is so evil and cunning who can destroy Ganondorf once and for all. Here is his card.

Link: (reading from the card) Do you have a pesky villain problem? Do you try to kill a villain, but he never seems to die? Then come see Tingle, the all amazing reincarnation of a fairy! Don't worry, he'll get the job done right!

Psychiatrist: There you go.

Link: You're kidding, right?

Psychiatrist: Look, I never joke around. Trust me, this fellow can do anything! Just you wait! He killed my ex-…

Link: Fine. I'll try out that crazy person! Just stop talking!

Psychiatrist: Glad to help! Now, lets talk about your other problems.

Link: Ok, I would like to talk about the Zelda problem.

Psychiatrist: Ok.

Link: As you know,. I always have to save her, and its annoying. Why do I have to save her all the time?

Psychiatrist: Well, Link, there are many reasons why. First off, the hero always has to save the princess. It is written in the law. Every time a villain threatens the world, you are going to have to save Princess Zelda. Second, nobody wants to hear the story of how Link saved Hyrule. No, it's not enough. Everyone wants to hear about how Link saved Princess Zelda from the evil villain who wants to take over Hyrule. See, doesn't that sound better?

Link: What? What kind of stupid reasons are those?

Psychiatrist: If you don't like it, talk to the public, not me.

Link: Arg!

Psychiatrist: Look, if you want Princess Zelda to stop being kidnapped then kill her.

Link: What?!

Psychiatrist: Then no one would be able to kidnap her.

Link: I can't do that!

Psychiatrist: Fine, then ask Tingle to do it, he won't mind.

Link: You're crazy.

Psychiatrist: I beg to differ, I merely tell you my wisdom and logic about life. Trust me, if you want to be left alone, then my advice is the best around.

Link: Thank you for the non-help. I'm going now.

Psychiatrist: Fine. Good-bye, and thank you for coming! Please come back soon!

After notes: Link never took my advice. He wonders why he still has to save Hyrule over and over again. He should just take my advice. I mean, just look at Tingle! He came for me for help a while back and now he is popular, successful, and loved by everyone! I still can't understand how people think… oh well.


	2. Ganondorf Visits

**Another character! Please enjoy! This one is ok...**

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Notes-

Date: January 12, 2010

Time: 2:30 p.m.

Client: Ganondorf

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Psychiatrist: Good day, sir! Beautiful weather we're having!

Ganondorf: It's too sunny and happy.

Psychiatrist: Ok, now why are you here today? What seems to be the problem?

Ganondorf: Well, doctor, I seem to be having trouble taking over Hyrule and obtaining the Triforce.

Psychiatrist: Oh my! How horrible!

Ganondorf: Yes! I know, and every time I am within reach of my goal a little boy in tights and a dress appears and somehow defeats me.

Psychiatrist: Just terrible! Ok, Ganondorf, let us fix this problem on step at a time. It seems to me that the main cause of your problem is the boy you speak of. I assume you are talking about Link. Why don't you just destroy him?

Ganondorf: I've tried, but he somehow survives every attack I throw at him.

Psychiatrist: Do you know why that is?

Ganondorf: He is protected by the Triforce of Courage.

Psychiatrist: Then take it from him.

Ganondorf: I've tried!

Psychiatrist: Not hard enough, apparently! A good villain tries everything, including begging! Are you a good villain?

Ganondorf: …yes.

Psychiatrist: Then take my advice. According to some research I have done while stalking Link recently, it appears he has no idea he has the Triforce until later in his adventure. Instead of trying to stop him as he gets stronger, why don't you disguise yourself as Princess Zelda and ask for it?

Ganondorf: I thought you said he didn't know he had it? So why would he give it to me if he is clueless? And besides, I don't exactly have Zelda's body, you know.

Psychiatrist: Ganondorf, you do have magic, right? Zelda has a lot less magic than you and she still manages to disguise herself as a boy and fool you!

Ganondorf: Hold on…

Psychiatrist: As I said before, a good villain tries everything! The mere fact that you came to me for help suggests that you are not a good villain.

Ganondorf: What are you talking about?! I have slaughtered countless of people, burned Hyrule to the ground, and destroyed many races, including the Sheikah!

Psychiatrist: But every time a boy in tights comes and stops you.

Ganondorf: That is hardly my fault, he has the Master Sword!

Psychiatrist: How old are you? Like 30? Older even? The boy is SEVENTEEN! Come on, you outmatch him. Perhaps you need a little help. I know someone…

Ganondorf: If you say Tingle, I will crush you.

Psychiatrist: Oh, you know him?

Ganondorf: He sent me a threat letter that said that if I don't stop harassing Link that Navi will come bother me and that he will kill me. Then he sent me his card that said something about killing pesky heroes.

Psychiatrist: Well, then! I have no idea why this would be!

Ganondorf: Look, I still don't know what to do.

Psychiatrist: Fine. Since you can't seem to take the Triforce away from him, then why don't you send him far into the past?

Ganondorf: The past?

Psychiatrist: Yep. Then he would be useless.

Ganondorf: Look, I'm sure he will find a way to get back.

Psychiatrist: Why?

Ganondorf: He is a hero, after all.

Psychiatrist: Are you giving up?

Ganondorf: No!

Psychiatrist: Then do it.

Ganondorf: I'm sure that some form of incarnation of him will only appear again, as it always does. So I want to kill him.

Psychiatrist: What kind of weapon do you use to battle him?

Ganondorf: A sword and magic.

Psychiatrist: And Link also uses a sword?

Ganondorf: That's right.

Psychiatrist: Then go out and buy a bazooka.

Ganondorf: What!

Psychiatrist: Blow his head off!

Ganondorf: Wait…

Psychiatrist: I'm sorry, but times up! It is time for my next appointment. Look, sword against sword makes an even match, but a bazooka against a sword wins! Good-bye, and come back soon!

After notes: I am so proud of Tingle! I told him to send business cards to anyone he thinks he can get business out of. Good job! Also, I am glad I told him about Link's dilemma. Link would have never asked Tingle for help, so I decided to step in. Also, this came in from Ganondorf just now. It reads: "What is a bazooka?"


	3. ? ? Needs Help

**WARNING! THERE IS A CUSS WORD FOR ANYONE WHO HATES CUSS WORDS! I had to get that out there. Any, I had fun with this one, enjoy!**

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Notes-

Date: January 14, 2010

Time: 3:00 p.m.

Client: ???

Location: Stock Pot Inn Bathroom.

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Psychiatrist: Hello there, sir! Due to your situation, I have come out here to talk with you today because of your request. Now before I begin what is your name?

???: Please, I need paper!

Psychiatrist: Sir, I understand. I'll give you paper after the meeting. Now please tell me your name.

???: Please, I beg of you, paper!

Psychiatrist: We can just skip the name. Ok, sir, what seems to be the problem?

???: There's no paper!

Psychiatrist: I see. That is a interesting dilemma and easily fixable. Here, you can take my old notes.

???: Oh, thank you!

Psychiatrist: Your welcome!

???: Aw, that feels much better, thank you!

Psychiatrist: To continue. Now, is there any other problems that you have?

???: Well, recently when people come to use the restroom and I ask for paper, they run screaming.

Psychiatrist: How perfectly beastly!

???: I don't know what to do!

Psychiatrist: Don't worry, we just need to take this slowly. Ok, well there are several options that you can do to fix this problem. How about you move to a different toilet to live in?

???: This is the only toilet in hundreds of miles.

Psychiatrist: There are always other options! How about you stop asking for paper?

???: But I really need the paper!

Psychiatrist: If it is that important go out and buy it yourself! Stop bothering people for paper when they have to go! If it was me, I would be very pissed off if a hand appeared out of nowhere in the toilet asking for paper.

???: But I can't leave the toilet!

Psychiatrist: I am sure you weren't born in the toilet. I'm sure you got yourself in there for some reason. So you must have lived somewhere else once in your life.

???: But what should I do?

Psychiatrist: Ask Anju to put a sign outside the bathroom that says: WARNING! A HAND MIGHT SUDDENLY APPEAR ASKING FOR PAPER! DO NOT BE ALARMED!

???: Then people will stay away and won't give me paper when I need it because they are afraid of me.

Psychiatrist: Trust me, if you live in the only toilet around for hundreds of miles, people will come. If they are desperate, anything can come out of the toilet and they won't care. Ok, what are some other problems you have?

???: Another problem I face is that people always do their business in the toilet where I live.

Psychiatrist: Sir, that is what the toilet is for.

???: But I live in it!

Psychiatrist: I have two suggestions for you. One is to move away to another toilet or something better. You do need to upgrade your housing. Two is to scare people away.

???: But you just said that if people are desperate then it doesn't matter what happens.

Psychiatrist: Then get use to the smell.

???: I already have, I just want them to stop!

Psychiatrist: Then block the toilet with wood or something! I'm sure many things drop down there in the toilet, so there is sure to be wood down there.

???: I don't know…

Psychiatrist: Then ask everyone to stop going in your home!

???: Well…

Psychiatrist: My logic is perfect! Just do it, and you'll be fine!

???: I guess…

Psychiatrist: Do you have any other problems that need to be discussed?

???: I need paper.

Psychiatrist: …sorry? What?

???: Paper, I need more paper!

Psychiatrist: Sir, that is a past problem, is there anything new?

???: Well, besides for the paper, Anju makes horrible food.

Psychiatrist: What does that have to do with anything?

???: Everything! Not only does it stink up the whole place…

Psychiatrist: It doesn't already stink?

???: … but she also throws the leftovers down here! That is what I have to live off of.

Psychiatrist: She wont be here much longer. She is getting married soon, and is going to live with her husband.

???: WHAT?! What will I live off of?

Psychiatrist: Maybe she will send you a goodie bag.

???: Why me? Why me?

Psychiatrist: I don't know, sir.

???: Can you stop her?

Psychiatrist: Stop her from what? Getting married?

???: Yes.

Psychiatrist: No.

???: Then what good are you? Go away, I don't need you anymore!

Psychiatrist: Ok, have a good day. Sir!

After notes: What the hell is the guy's name? It is going to kill me for not knowing. And why can't he live in a better place than a stupid toilet? I mean, come on, the neighborhood and the smell stink!


End file.
